That way madness lies.

Hello everyone.
I dont think i can even calculate any sort of "average" mood since the last time i posted.
Absolutely
Freaking
Insane.
Meltdowns and tantrums and screwups galore.

Its the always-unpredictable mood swings, some days wanting to throw my entire self into being and feeling and working. some days wanting to throw myself off of a very tall bridge covered in open wounds and land in a lake of peroxide. Some days calm, floating on the surface.. Battling insomnia by alphabetizing my bookshelves.

im growing too accustomed to it. but, luckily, i can still loathe it.

the eating has been on and off. food can be gross or weird or unnecessary. eating a tedious task. or somedays i eat just fine, like 'normal' people. Today, i got fed a gigantic meal by two of my most darling friends who thought i hadnt been eating enough.

i really do get to reflect on and appreciate people i have in my life. to make me food, to hold me when crying, to sit for endless minutes in complete silence... i imagine i would be much worse off without them. i dont even want to think about it.

im gearing up for a new show, trying to keep my GPA afloat, and manage sanity on a daily basis. i quit my old therapist (thank the gods) but my mothers sending me to another one, once a week. its alright though, we've already had an intro session. she seems cool.

one of my poems was published in the school paper. it wasnt supposed to have my name on it, but it did. i had a minor tizz and spaz, because im very reserved with anything i create. but oh well.
i guess its fine
:)

there is so much to write about.. but im so very tired... so much to do! i wish sleep were unnecessary as well. hmph.
i PROMISE to give a full update soon. lots of interesting tidbits and inspiration to share :)

i havent gained any of the weight that i've lost back. so im thankful for that. we'll see where things go from here.

goodnight, sweet dreams.