Make not thy thoughts thy prisons

I know its been too long.
i document the truth. therefore, i haven't wanted to document the reality that is my failure.
well, on and off. ive managed 300 calorie days, ive managed days where i say "You know what world, im hungry! And im going to eat this donut!"
It bounces back and forth like my moods and general sanity have been.

I could update on so much.. but i hardly want to remember it all.
I had a nice low-key new year celebration.. ate celery to my heart's content.
School has resumed for me. Which sucks to the extreme. But there's nothing i can do about it.
I just plow through and bear it, depressed and starving, usually. It helps a great deal
I don't feel quite so free to document the truth anymore, since this blog has been discovered by people i know. For that, im sorry. You, faithful readers, deserve the truth.

Ive gotten a fresh haircut and fresh outlooks on life.
Sort of.
A personal reinvention, perhaps.

I've got to get majorly strict and only eat when mandatory for the next two weeks, okay? HOLD ME TO IT.

I just want to drug myself to sleep during all of my free time nowadays. If there werent a small part of me that still feared failure, i would almost give up on life, i think. i would descend into an ugly immoral place.

Depression medicine plus red bull plus sedatives plus cigarettes plus wine
equals
insanity.

Just so you know.

"She hath pursued conclusions infinite
Of easy ways to die"

Antony and Cleopatra, act V

I love that play. Read it someday. Or sparknote it, even.

I have pursued conclusions infinite...