This sucks

I can really tell the birth control is getting to me. I overeat, which everyone else says is normal, but i call it binging. My boobs are getting bigger too... I just really want these pounds off but they're gonna freak if they notice im going ana again! uugughghg i HATE being so big! Ive put on at least ten pounds. I do not go anywhere near a scale... Seeing those numbers would make me cry and SI, surely, and who knows, induce a panic attack or something. I dont care if i sound pitiful, i fucking dont like being fat, okay? You guys understand that, i know you do.

Today i ate some toast for breakfast.. Some noodles for lunch.. Some popcorn for a snack.. Tofu & Broccoli for dinner. Now if i can stop for the night i wont totally hate myself. I feel like a fatass already. I've gotta pump up my workout regime. I dont wanna run outside since its summer, its in the nineties with high humidity in Louisiana =( i'll figure something out. I will not start tomorrow. I start now, every moment is a beginning. I will not fail, because all it takes is determination. ive done this before, my waistline shrunk beautifully... i want that back!

anyway, im just sick today, walking around in my pjs with nothing to do, feeling shitty from my meds. i got bumped up to 1000mg so my body's adjusting.. wooo. and my boyfriend's out of town. sigh.

fucking depressed as hell. but i still love you all.

Finally!

I wasn't hungry today! Yes!
I still ate, i didn't keep a log, but it wasn't nearly as bad.
I didnt... disgust myself.
Hopefully that means my body is adjusting to my meds.

Remember my main blogging is done on shitwreckedbipolar.blogspot.com

stay beautiful.

Relocation

I'm very sorry, readers, that Ana had to die for a few months. I was forced to abandon this site for "recovery" purposes. I've switched to new docs, im on new meds, etc.
Now im primarily on my other blog: http://shitwreckedbipolar.blogspot.com
But ill still post here every now and then.
It deals with my daily adventure called life, the ups and downs, the struggles we all face.
Please, come join and follow me there! I'd love to have some lovely ladies (and gentlemen) to get back in touch with. i'll be all over your blogs in the next few days, you can count on it! =)
The weight gain is absolutely killing me. Scales give me awful anxiety. But.. its a tough road to travel. More about it on Shitwrecked, the new site.
I love you all.
-Ana